How do I sell myself successfully in a personal statement?

I have written personal statements for undergraduate and postgraduate degree, and been accepted into every university I have applied for using these. You can do the same, and the key is to evaluate everything you say and to analyse this.
Original statement:  'Once a week I volunteered at an animal shelter, I do violin as well, and I was on the school council’
We can see that this is a pretty good statement, this applicant volunteers and has a hobby. But the issue is that it is quite descriptive. I would advice that although it is very good to try and fit in as much descriptive information about yourself as possible, what will impress is to analyse and reflect upon these. Let’s try this:
Updated statement: ‘Once a week I volunteered at an animal shelter, which really opened my eyes to the hard work put in my carers and allowed me to experience being part of a team. I also had to work in a team during my role on the school council, during sixth form. Here, we had regular meetings and working together was important for deciding upon school matters’
I would leave the violin for a section specifically about hobbies, or maybe leave it out if you are not applying for a music based degree.
So, you can also see how there is a focus on skills learnt from your experience. Yes, you volunteered – but what did this teach you?
A good framework would to ask yourself the following questions for every descriptive claim you make:
1. What did I learn from this experience?2. Why is this important?