Resilience is a key skill for teens as it helps them cope better with difficult events and situations that happen in life.
Unexpected changes, periods of transition, or dealing with challenges like not getting into their first university choice or facing exam resits – life can be tough and building up their sense of resilience can help them through. Here’s how to encourage resilience in your teen…
Why is resilience so important for young people?
A big review by researchers in The Netherlands found that higher levels of resilience in children and teens are related to fewer mental health problems like anxiety and depression.
Having resilience also gives them a stronger ability to recover and learn from the challenges they’ll face, rather than getting pulled down by them.
Learning resilience skills during their teenage years can make a big difference in their life. The good news is that there are ways to improve and strengthen their resilience and here are six ways to do it.
1. Encourage them to develop a strong social network
“Resilience comes from relationships; children need nurturing,” says Dr Rangan Chatterjee, a medical doctor and author of The Stress Solution. “It’s not a magical ‘inner strength’ that helps kids through tough times; instead, it’s the reliable and supportive relationships they build.”
Having a strong support network of friends and loved ones who love them for who they are is one of the most effective ways for them to build resilience. Feeling part of a supportive community can also do wonders for their self-esteem and general happiness.
You could also help them find a mentor or role model – whether that’s a family friend, a teacher or a tutor. Having someone to look up to and talk honestly with can really help to boost their confidence levels, especially if they’re struggling.
2. Remind them that they always have a choice
Whatever they go through, they have a choice about how to react to it. Whether it’s being rejected for their first job or not quite making the grades, try to teach them that they don’t have to let the situation defeat them.
Instead, they have a choice about how to deal with it and recover from it. It’s a great way to show them that they have power in any situation and it’s exactly how to encourage resilience in your teen.
3. Inspire them to re-angle failure as a learning opportunity
Our society can sometimes portray failure as a weakness. Help your teen flip this by teaching them that failure not only means they’ve had the confidence to give something a try. But, it also allows them to take stock, learn and come back stronger.
Try teaching them resilient thinking and the ability to see failing as a way of learning. Encourage them to add ‘yet’ to the end of their sentences – ’I haven’t achieved the grades I want, yet’ or ‘I can’t do it, yet’. This turns the ‘failure’ into an opportunity to grow.
4. Remind them of their strengths
Teens tend to remember the negative moments more than the positive ones. So, try to help them acknowledge and revel in their successes, no matter how big or small. One way of doing this could be helping them make a list of all the things they’re good at and all they’ve achieved so far.
Read our blog on helping your teen believe in themselves for more advice.
5. Help them (and you) practice a little gratitude
Practicing gratitude also goes hand in hand with building resilience. A recent long-term study found that gratitude helped people foster positivity and resilience during the onset of the pandemic.
Dr Chatterjee suggests practicing a little gratitude each day. “Instead of pestering your children with questions like, ‘How was school?’ and, ‘What did you do today?’, teach them to reframe their day. Try asking the whole family:
- What did someone do today to make you happy?
- What did you do to make someone else happy?
- What have you learned today?
“I love this simple exercise for how it helps us all find the positive in every day. It teaches gratitude, nurtures optimism, and recognises kindness.”
6. Help them take a step back
While an issue or a situation may feel very intense in the moment, it’s really helpful to remind your teen to take a step back sometimes. Ask them how they might feel about the thing that’s upsetting them in a week, a month or a year. Thinking this way will help them get some perspective about how much they should let it bother them.
The ancient proverb, ‘This too shall pass’ is also a helpful one to remember as it will help your teen to realise that nothing – good or bad – lasts forever; all circumstances are temporary.
Would your teen benefit from a mentor and role model? Our tutors can help build their confidence as well as help with learning gaps and exam revision. Find the right one for them here.